I Want to be Good

Lately I've had this fire ignited within me. I don't know what set it off (still trying to figure that out), but I have a burning desire to be good.
   With all the chaos, wars and just down right wicked things that are going on, I want nothing more than to be an influence for good in this world. I want to be an instrument in the Lord's hands and I want to live my life in a way that I always can be. I want to be in tune always and see everyone around me as our Savior does. I so strongly want to serve! Because I know in doing so I will develop a great love for those I serve. The more I serve, the more I will see people as Christ does.
   I want to immerse myself in the scriptures and share with the world the wonders of the Gospel. It is beautiful! There are so many blessings promised us if we just do what is asked. And NO ONE is exempt from those blessings. How great is our God?! He, being our Creator, has given us everything. And yet will continually give us more if we stay true and faithful.
   I want to develop my talents. Specifically my musical talents. I want to perfect my cello and violin playing so I can invite the spirit wherever I play. I want to compose and arrange my very own music and eventually create an album. I want to share the Gospel through music and invite the spirit into homes everywhere. And I want to live in such a way that I can compose and arrange with the influence of the spirit. I know my musical talents are a gift and I want to share my gifts to help share the Gospel and build the kingdom.
   I want to be a good wife and mother. I want to be a strong companion for my spouse and support him in being the Patriarch of our home. I want to raise my children in truth and righteousness. I want them to stand strong in this wicked world. I want to live in such a way that they will have no doubt what they stand for and why. I want our home to be a sanctuary. A place where our kids can get away from the things of the world and feel safe. I want them to know their infinite worth and that they are deeply loved by their Heavenly Father and Savior.
   I want to be who I was foreordained to be. I want to be Heavenly Father's best. I want to DO good. I want to BE good.

56 hours

Wow. Has it been forever? Or has it been FoReVeR?? ;) Some big changes have occurred since I last posted. I am a Mother!! I have a beautiful baby girl, Hadley. And I believe I have the most perfect baby on the face of the earth...

        Her journey here was not an easy one. 56 hours of labor was not even close to the plan, but that's what happened. 

        It started on a Friday night, 3 days before her due date. Around midnight, I started having contractions. They weren't too close together and were not consistent. We planned on doing a natural water birth at a birth center in Orem. I had prepared with the Hypnobabies techniques and they were working really well when the contractions first started. All friday night I woke up every 6 to 11 minutes with a contraction. Saturday came around and things hadn't changed much. We called our families and they were all on edge waiting for the baby to be born that day. My family started heading here from Idaho immediately. 

        I was breathing through contractions all day. There was some time in the day we went to the birth center to find out I was only dilated to a one and were sent home. I honestly can't remember when we went. Too much happened in this weekend. That evening, we went in to the Birth Center again and I was still only dilated to a one. Heart breaking news. So we were sent back home. I laid in a warm bath all night, trying to get some rest like I was ordered to do, breathing through contractions every seven to ten minutes. I'm not going to lie, it was horrible. My husband was so sweet through the whole thing. He slept on the bathroom floor, next to the tub. Poor guy, he didn't get any sleep either. Sometime Sunday morning, (by this time I was too exhausted to care what time it was), we went back in and I was dilated to a 4. WOO! So we were admitted in. We got settled, our families were all in the waiting room, hoping there would be a baby in the next few hours. 

        Around 2:30 pm, they had to break my water to try and speed things up. Hadley was posterior, (head facing my stomach) and would not turn so things were going very slowly... Obviously. By 4pm I was dilated to an 8 and was able to get in the tub for the water birth. I don't know how long I labored in there, but the contractions were almost unbearable by this point. My contractions were only a couple minutes apart now, My mom said I would fall asleep between each one because of how exhausted I was. (I hadn't slept in over 36 hours). The midwife said I should feel the urge to push any time now, but I never did. After who knows how long, I was told to get out of the tub and take a little break. The midwives started to wonder if I should choose a different birth plan. They had all our family leave the waiting room, the midwives told my husband and I to talk and see what we wanted to do. Everyone left the room and Brennan just held me and asked what I wanted to do.I didn't want to give up doing a natural birth, but by now I was so completely exhausted, I didn't know what to do. Brennan and I finally made the decision to go to the hospital and get an epidural. So we drove down the street to the hospital, checked in and received the epidural. 

        OH SWEET NECTAR OF LIFE. That was the most amazing feeling. I was free. FREEEEEEE! HALLE-FREAKIN-LUJAH. I was able to smile for the first time in two days. 

        The epidural slowed down my contractions so I was given Pitocen. By now, it was about 9pm on Sunday. Since I wasn't dilated to a ten yet, we all slept as much as we could until about 3 am when it was time to push. FINALLY. 

        I don't know how much time had gone by when the epidural started to wear off. I tried to push the button for more, but it was broken and the pain slowly started creeping back until I couldn't push because of the pain. The anesthesiologist finally came in and gave me more. I can't remember if he had to come in more than once... This is how exhausted I was. Ha ha. 

        I pushed for about 3 hours. Nothing was happening. Hadley's heart rate was starting to slow and they said I could either push for another half hour or have a C-section. After some quick discussion with my husband, mother and midwives, we opted for the C-section and on July 15th at 6:25 am, Hadley was born. 8lbs 15oz. 19 inches long. She was beautiful! And I was so grateful to be done. We later found out her head wouldn't fit past my pelvic bone. Either I was too small, or she was too big. If I had wanted to do a vaginal birth, they would've had to break my pelvic bone to get her through.

        All in all, we are just very grateful she made it here healthy. I'm so grateful for modern medicine and doctors who were able to rescue us both. I'm very grateful to my midwives who stuck by me through the whole thing and talked me through every single contraction. I'm SO grateful to my Mother and sister-in-law, who helped in every way they could. Sometimes just by being there. I'm grateful to all my family who came to support and encourage me, especially my Dad and Father-in-law who gave me countless priesthood blessings throughout the weekend. And lastly, i'm grateful for my wonderful husband who was and still is my number one support through everything. I couldn't have done any of it without him. I'm so grateful to my Father in Heaven who answered the MANY prayers that went out that weekend. 

       There's my story. It's kind of long, I know. And has nothing to do with music, as my music has been put on the back burner ever since that Friday night. 

        It's been three and a half months since she was born and I couldn't be happier with my little family. :)

I just love my little family of three.

You would not believe what it took to get this picture... But we did it. And it's absolutely amazing!

Definitely a Daddy's girl ;)

         For the first time in my life, I feel like I have purpose. I know I am supposed to be a Mother. I tried going back to work at the gym, only coaching one class a week, but I couldn't do it. My priority right now is my family. 

        I've always known I was going to be a Mother. When people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would say "A stay at home Mom." Well, either that or a rodeo queen.. Hehe. 

        I know I have a divine role on this earth to raise children in truth and righteousness and help prepare them for the giant work they have to do in this life. There is something special about the children born in the covenant in these last days. You know they are prepared for a great work. It is amazing to me that God trusts me with one of his children. They are so pure, so innocent, so BEAUTIFUL. 

        

More Music, More Gratitude

Gratitude, gratitude, gratitude!! That is all I am feeling today. My piano teacher is just... amazing. That's the only word I can think of! A-maz-ing. True story. And today, when I was driving home from my piano lesson, the Spirit overcame me and I was so full of gratitude for the time my teacher is taking to teach me. He is limited in his time to only be able to teach a few students. I feel so blessed to be one of those students! He is such a devoted teacher and I know he is the key to helping me accomplish my goals. I LOVE IT! :D Hopefully I will be able to blow everyone's brains with my awesome music talents ;) Teh heh... Not really. But I am getting better! And more confident. I know I have a gift, and I know I need to share it, and use it to help share the Gospel. What better way to share the Gospel then through the Spirit? (Is there any other way? O.o) I'm excited to work towards composing music through the Spirit and strengthening my talents. :)

I can breathe

All better. :) Talking with some people and going to the temple helped immensely. Not quite sure what route I want to take right now, but I know what route I DON'T want to take. And that's what was worrying me. I want to thank my amazing mother in law for helping me ^_^ And for my husband who listens to the spirit! Mmmm.

Now, on a completely separate note, my family is in town!! And I get to see them today *big grin*. Can life get better right now? Haha well probably... But it doesn't feel like it can. 'Cause I feel great! Yay for the gospel. :)

NEW CALLING!

Drum roll please....PRIMARY PIANIST! Woo :D I am now the choir AND Primary pianist. Hmmm is music supposed to be part of my life? I predict yes. YES! I am LOVING studying music. I love digging into the theory and making connections. (You mean it makes sense!!??) YES it does. And I know being in tune with the spirit has helped me to learn and progress. :) Yippee skippee!