I Want to be Good

Lately I've had this fire ignited within me. I don't know what set it off (still trying to figure that out), but I have a burning desire to be good.
   With all the chaos, wars and just down right wicked things that are going on, I want nothing more than to be an influence for good in this world. I want to be an instrument in the Lord's hands and I want to live my life in a way that I always can be. I want to be in tune always and see everyone around me as our Savior does. I so strongly want to serve! Because I know in doing so I will develop a great love for those I serve. The more I serve, the more I will see people as Christ does.
   I want to immerse myself in the scriptures and share with the world the wonders of the Gospel. It is beautiful! There are so many blessings promised us if we just do what is asked. And NO ONE is exempt from those blessings. How great is our God?! He, being our Creator, has given us everything. And yet will continually give us more if we stay true and faithful.
   I want to develop my talents. Specifically my musical talents. I want to perfect my cello and violin playing so I can invite the spirit wherever I play. I want to compose and arrange my very own music and eventually create an album. I want to share the Gospel through music and invite the spirit into homes everywhere. And I want to live in such a way that I can compose and arrange with the influence of the spirit. I know my musical talents are a gift and I want to share my gifts to help share the Gospel and build the kingdom.
   I want to be a good wife and mother. I want to be a strong companion for my spouse and support him in being the Patriarch of our home. I want to raise my children in truth and righteousness. I want them to stand strong in this wicked world. I want to live in such a way that they will have no doubt what they stand for and why. I want our home to be a sanctuary. A place where our kids can get away from the things of the world and feel safe. I want them to know their infinite worth and that they are deeply loved by their Heavenly Father and Savior.
   I want to be who I was foreordained to be. I want to be Heavenly Father's best. I want to DO good. I want to BE good.

56 hours

Wow. Has it been forever? Or has it been FoReVeR?? ;) Some big changes have occurred since I last posted. I am a Mother!! I have a beautiful baby girl, Hadley. And I believe I have the most perfect baby on the face of the earth...

        Her journey here was not an easy one. 56 hours of labor was not even close to the plan, but that's what happened. 

        It started on a Friday night, 3 days before her due date. Around midnight, I started having contractions. They weren't too close together and were not consistent. We planned on doing a natural water birth at a birth center in Orem. I had prepared with the Hypnobabies techniques and they were working really well when the contractions first started. All friday night I woke up every 6 to 11 minutes with a contraction. Saturday came around and things hadn't changed much. We called our families and they were all on edge waiting for the baby to be born that day. My family started heading here from Idaho immediately. 

        I was breathing through contractions all day. There was some time in the day we went to the birth center to find out I was only dilated to a one and were sent home. I honestly can't remember when we went. Too much happened in this weekend. That evening, we went in to the Birth Center again and I was still only dilated to a one. Heart breaking news. So we were sent back home. I laid in a warm bath all night, trying to get some rest like I was ordered to do, breathing through contractions every seven to ten minutes. I'm not going to lie, it was horrible. My husband was so sweet through the whole thing. He slept on the bathroom floor, next to the tub. Poor guy, he didn't get any sleep either. Sometime Sunday morning, (by this time I was too exhausted to care what time it was), we went back in and I was dilated to a 4. WOO! So we were admitted in. We got settled, our families were all in the waiting room, hoping there would be a baby in the next few hours. 

        Around 2:30 pm, they had to break my water to try and speed things up. Hadley was posterior, (head facing my stomach) and would not turn so things were going very slowly... Obviously. By 4pm I was dilated to an 8 and was able to get in the tub for the water birth. I don't know how long I labored in there, but the contractions were almost unbearable by this point. My contractions were only a couple minutes apart now, My mom said I would fall asleep between each one because of how exhausted I was. (I hadn't slept in over 36 hours). The midwife said I should feel the urge to push any time now, but I never did. After who knows how long, I was told to get out of the tub and take a little break. The midwives started to wonder if I should choose a different birth plan. They had all our family leave the waiting room, the midwives told my husband and I to talk and see what we wanted to do. Everyone left the room and Brennan just held me and asked what I wanted to do.I didn't want to give up doing a natural birth, but by now I was so completely exhausted, I didn't know what to do. Brennan and I finally made the decision to go to the hospital and get an epidural. So we drove down the street to the hospital, checked in and received the epidural. 

        OH SWEET NECTAR OF LIFE. That was the most amazing feeling. I was free. FREEEEEEE! HALLE-FREAKIN-LUJAH. I was able to smile for the first time in two days. 

        The epidural slowed down my contractions so I was given Pitocen. By now, it was about 9pm on Sunday. Since I wasn't dilated to a ten yet, we all slept as much as we could until about 3 am when it was time to push. FINALLY. 

        I don't know how much time had gone by when the epidural started to wear off. I tried to push the button for more, but it was broken and the pain slowly started creeping back until I couldn't push because of the pain. The anesthesiologist finally came in and gave me more. I can't remember if he had to come in more than once... This is how exhausted I was. Ha ha. 

        I pushed for about 3 hours. Nothing was happening. Hadley's heart rate was starting to slow and they said I could either push for another half hour or have a C-section. After some quick discussion with my husband, mother and midwives, we opted for the C-section and on July 15th at 6:25 am, Hadley was born. 8lbs 15oz. 19 inches long. She was beautiful! And I was so grateful to be done. We later found out her head wouldn't fit past my pelvic bone. Either I was too small, or she was too big. If I had wanted to do a vaginal birth, they would've had to break my pelvic bone to get her through.

        All in all, we are just very grateful she made it here healthy. I'm so grateful for modern medicine and doctors who were able to rescue us both. I'm very grateful to my midwives who stuck by me through the whole thing and talked me through every single contraction. I'm SO grateful to my Mother and sister-in-law, who helped in every way they could. Sometimes just by being there. I'm grateful to all my family who came to support and encourage me, especially my Dad and Father-in-law who gave me countless priesthood blessings throughout the weekend. And lastly, i'm grateful for my wonderful husband who was and still is my number one support through everything. I couldn't have done any of it without him. I'm so grateful to my Father in Heaven who answered the MANY prayers that went out that weekend. 

       There's my story. It's kind of long, I know. And has nothing to do with music, as my music has been put on the back burner ever since that Friday night. 

        It's been three and a half months since she was born and I couldn't be happier with my little family. :)

I just love my little family of three.

You would not believe what it took to get this picture... But we did it. And it's absolutely amazing!

Definitely a Daddy's girl ;)

         For the first time in my life, I feel like I have purpose. I know I am supposed to be a Mother. I tried going back to work at the gym, only coaching one class a week, but I couldn't do it. My priority right now is my family. 

        I've always known I was going to be a Mother. When people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would say "A stay at home Mom." Well, either that or a rodeo queen.. Hehe. 

        I know I have a divine role on this earth to raise children in truth and righteousness and help prepare them for the giant work they have to do in this life. There is something special about the children born in the covenant in these last days. You know they are prepared for a great work. It is amazing to me that God trusts me with one of his children. They are so pure, so innocent, so BEAUTIFUL. 

        

Hello blogging world!

Well.... It really has been forever since I last posted. I've just been too busy with piano practicing I guess. ;)

Brennan and I are doing well. Loving life and all it has to offer. I love being married to my best friend. :)

I am starting to REALLY understand music. I thought I was before, but now I am really starting to see how it all works. It's so complex, yet so simple. I LOVE IT. My piano teacher has really brought me to a whole new level and I couldn't thank him enough.

Random time. It's snowing!!! :D And I'm happy happy happy. I love the snow. I love the warm feelings that come with being around family during the Winter holidays. Yay for snow. And yay for family!! *sigh* I have the best family to ever exist. Including my in-laws. I am just one blessed girl.

Composing

So... I started my own arrangement of a hymn!! It's very exciting. And it MAKES SENSE. It's so crazy how knowing music theory is the key to writing music... I guess that's not crazy. Quite the opposite actually. ;) Haha. I love theory. I love knowing not only how to read music, but how music works! Why it does what it does. Knowing the rules of music is key in following/breaking the rules. So that it's done properly. WOO! I am just way too excited. Just one step closer to fulfilling my music dreams.

Music has actually helped me in more ways then I ever imagined. Every time I walk away from listening to uplifting music or playing the piano/violin/cello, I have so much motivation and determination to be better. To be better at reading scriptures daily or being more humble. Usually when I think of those things and how I need to improve, I just get discouraged. But when uplifting music is a part of my day, I have such a positive outlook on life! And I know it's because that uplifting music brings the spirit into my home and heart.

The main thing music has done for me is made me feel so much gratitude for every single thing I have. I am so blessed! I have an amazing husband who loves and treasures me. My family is just awesome. ;) They are my support and I love them so much. I am eternally grateful for all they did and do for me. My in-laws rock this world. I'm so grateful to have the relationships with them that I do. :) My piano mentor. He is.... I don't even know the word. Every time I walk away from a lesson with him the words "mind=blown" come to mind. Haha he is incredible! His talent is out of this world. Literally. He is so in-tune with the spirit and focused on the Savior that every lesson I have with him is always exactly what I need. And I walk away feeling a little more spiritually fed.. through music. :)

There are so many more things I am grateful for. The list could go on forever. I am so blessed to have the family I have, the relationships and friendships that I have, the talents that I have and the love that I have. :D

PS In case you were wondering, the hymn I chose to arrange is 'I Know That My Redeemer Lives'. I bare my testimony best through music. This song testifies of Christ. It's the best way I know how to convey this truth; that He lives.

More Music, More Gratitude

Gratitude, gratitude, gratitude!! That is all I am feeling today. My piano teacher is just... amazing. That's the only word I can think of! A-maz-ing. True story. And today, when I was driving home from my piano lesson, the Spirit overcame me and I was so full of gratitude for the time my teacher is taking to teach me. He is limited in his time to only be able to teach a few students. I feel so blessed to be one of those students! He is such a devoted teacher and I know he is the key to helping me accomplish my goals. I LOVE IT! :D Hopefully I will be able to blow everyone's brains with my awesome music talents ;) Teh heh... Not really. But I am getting better! And more confident. I know I have a gift, and I know I need to share it, and use it to help share the Gospel. What better way to share the Gospel then through the Spirit? (Is there any other way? O.o) I'm excited to work towards composing music through the Spirit and strengthening my talents. :)

Trials and Gratitude

Trials come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. And they can hurt.. All I know is I have amazing people in my life who love and care for me enough to help me in those hard times.

#1 is my Heavenly Father and my Savior. They are always there, knowing what pain i'm in. I know I can turn to them for love, comfort and guidance, always.

 #2 is my Mother. :) Who doesn't love their mother? She is so amazing and I couldn't ask for a better Mom. I want to be like her when I grow up. She cares and I know it. THANK YOU, MOM!

#3 is my Mother. Hehe My second mom. My mother-in-law, Deb. She always knows exactly what to say to feed my squishy, blue heart, especially when it's aching. She is always there for me. THANK YOU, DEB!

#4 is my friend from work, Hollie. She is just awesome. She always knows how to make me laugh and I know I can confide in her. THANK YOU, HOLLIE!

I can breathe

All better. :) Talking with some people and going to the temple helped immensely. Not quite sure what route I want to take right now, but I know what route I DON'T want to take. And that's what was worrying me. I want to thank my amazing mother in law for helping me ^_^ And for my husband who listens to the spirit! Mmmm.

Now, on a completely separate note, my family is in town!! And I get to see them today *big grin*. Can life get better right now? Haha well probably... But it doesn't feel like it can. 'Cause I feel great! Yay for the gospel. :)